Sitting The Antaiji Way*

My jerry-rigged cushion at the sesshin led by Shohaku Okumura Roshi and Rev. Hōkō Karnegis at Sanshin Zen Community. For five days: sit 50 minutes, do walking meditation 10 minutes, repeat, fourteen times each day, broken only by 3 hour-long meal breaks and 6 hours (or less) of sleep. During that time I wrote these three short poems.
❀
day three: body at ease mind at ease self settles onto self this precious inheritance: the Literal Sitting of Shakyamuni Buddha through my body the Literal Sitting of Dōgen Zenji through our bodies the Sitting of Body and Mind Dropping Off the Sitting of Joyful Ease, Practice-Enlightenment
without a doubt we can manifest
      Here and Now      Here and Now      Here and Now
❀
Just Sit
     change, change, change, change
     give up perfection

     sometimes crooked or straight
     sometimes dull or clear

     in pain     no pain

           Don't Panic

     neither grasp nor push away

     the Pure Light of Buddha pours forth
     from Every Thing
❀
Even The Leaning Tower Of Pisa Stood Erect For 500 Years

This edifice
my sitting can stand erect
for 50 minutes
All the while
     Skin
     Bones
     Muscle
     Tendons
have crumpled into a heap

Thank you skin
Thank you bones
Thank you muscle
Thank you tendons

When the bell sounds
     I gather you up
     bring palms together
     and offer our practice to all beings
❀
(And from my journal on the day after sesshin ended, 6-4-19)
I miss it, I miss the zendo — hellish as it was sometimes — dependable it was at all times — and at all times simple.
You cannot escape your embarrassing ideas, fantasies, dreams and hopes about sitting zazen: 'I have to have a good reason to endure this.' But it would be impossible to sit with this idea as your motivation. You burn through it quickly; discover it is a useless idea. You let it go, and you sit. And develop returning, and returning, and returning.

* The Antaiji style of sesshin: Shohaku Okumura Roshi has continued this style of sesshin from his teacher Uchiyama Kosho Roshi of Antaiji in Japan. Uchiyama Roshi first did it this way in 1965 and describes this practice in his book "Opening The Hand Of Thought" in the chapter "The World Of Intensive Practice."